Attention!
I often wonder how I would feel about attention if I did not grow up in the age of smartphones. Would I have the desire to share myself online? I am sure this void would be filled by something else; the push and pull of wanting to be seen and needing to hide is one that I don't think is new, as far as technology goes, but social media complicates it. With friends scattered across the country, I want to have a reliable way to share my life with the people I love, but fear tends to get in the way. I post on Instagram just to delete it 45 minutes later, I write texts that go unsent, and I start blogs that I never share (yes, this is maybe my fourth iteration of a blog). I am an expert at avoiding vulnerability.
This inner back and forth has led me to live my life pretty scared of the things I love. The goal of this blog is twofold— write more and share that writing with my people. Transparently, it has been a long time since I was writing regularly, and I want to stop abandoning this hobby simply out of fear. Hopefully, by working on my writing, I won't be so afraid of other things— such as creating art, applying to school, telling my friends I love them, and trusting myself.
I think this is my step towards a balance. Not only will I be flexing my writing muscle, but I can also scratch that pesky internet itch. Typical social media isn’t good for me (maybe it’s not good for anyone), and in this space, I am hoping to push myself outside my comfort zone. Maybe one day I won't share online to satisfy some craving for attention. Maybe one day I will share online without any care whether or not it is well received. I think the only way I will figure out how best to interact with the internet is to start somewhere that feels true to me.
For now, this blog is called snail mail because my primary goal is to keep in touch with friends in a slower, more intentional way (and because I have a snail tattoo). I mainly want to write about philosophy, stories from my life, and review movies/books/music. I am anticipating a rocky start to my writing, but hopefully, over time, I will find my groove.
Thanks for giving me your attention. Welcome!